I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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