i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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