I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
