Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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