Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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