Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
