oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
