HIV tests are more positive than that guy
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
