Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
