Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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