My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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