We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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