Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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