So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
