Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
