I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
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Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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