he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
