I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
