And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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