I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i came on her dog
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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