No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
