My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
