Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
