Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
