I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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