If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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