So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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