and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So much Jack, so little girl.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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