i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
