weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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