you guys were way drunker than both of me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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