i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
