you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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