just come out here and I will go home with you...
ugly people sure do ruin things
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
