I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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