Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
