What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
