i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
