All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
3 2 1 whiskey
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
