We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
