I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
