im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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