i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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