Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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