Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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