elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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