And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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