ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
