His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
