I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
