my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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