Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
