Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
