You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
