At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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