You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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