I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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