oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
